Review: The Boys Are Back

Ever had one of those days that almost seems it went too well? Like, you were tempting fate with your good fortune? The equivalent of racking up a triple double, or your birthday falling on Super Bowl Sunday, or having a beautiful woman call you out of the blue?

You feel as if everything's coming up Milhouse...you're skipping down Michael Jackson's Billie Jean video light-up sidewalk. Or that you are hanging with Katrina and/or The Waves...walking on sunshine. Just whistling the 59th Street Bridge Song.

Feeling groovy.

Perfect day behind you, you settle in to watch what is billed as (reading from the Netflix envelope) a "touching and often hilarious tale..."

First off, that was most assuredly NOT the day I had. I had a pretty miserable day all the way around. So I could have used some hilarity.

So...

The mother dies of cancer in the first five minutes.

The little boy announces to everyone who will listen "my mum's dead of the cancer."

Repeatedly.

There is screaming, crying, kids beating up their father, failed relationships, abandonment, and child endangerment.

Yeah. A real pick-me-up.

It ends with a car driving off into the distance. And on the bonus DVD commentary, Ol' Yeller, Bambi's mom, and Brian Piccolo discuss how it's the bleakest thing they've ever seen.

Clive Owen has made some amazing movies. This is one of them, in the sense that you will be amazed that you sat all the way through it without killing yourself.

Final Ranking: 1 Hurty-stomached Kurt Cobain